Mischief Managed *taps wand*


Grandfather Paradox
[Monday, Aug. 04, 2003 | 10:25 pm]


If you went back in time and killed your grandfather (or any relative vital to your existence), what would happen?

Would you instantly cease to exist? Then, if you never existed, you couldn't have travelled back in time to kill the relative. So would he instantly be alive again and going about his business as if nothing happened at all?

Or would travelling to the past somehow set you apart from experiencing the changes brought by your actions. Would you be existing independently of the timeline?

Is there only one timeline? Or is there an infinite number of timelines? Would killing your grandfather create a separate timeline, or at least a fork in the timeline? And if it did, which one would you then be living in?

Some believe the world may be self-consistent, that forces of nature would prevent such tampering - something would happen to prevent your grandfather's death at the instant you tried to kill him. To me, that suggests that the world itself is sentient and omniscient. I don't buy into this theory at all.

---

Volunteer Time Travellers Needed!

Looking for anyone willing to go back in time and kill your own grandfather to see what happens. Recording equipment provided! Must provide your own time machine. Call 1-800-TYM-TOGO

---

OK, I just made that up, but now I want to share an e-mail I received today from a time traveller. I was about to delete it with the rest of my spam. It's got to be the most ridiculous e-mail I've ever read! Many of you probably got the same thing. Here it is:

Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed

Hello,

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:

I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday August 4th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me.

Latitude N 42.47935 & Longitude W 071.17355 and the Elevation is 119.

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!

I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.

Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.

After unit has been sent please email me at: (e-mail removed) with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You

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Yeah, I'll have that dimensional warp generator sent tomorrow. And I'd like $50 million in my Swiss bank account.


I look at my watch it says 9:25 and I think "Oh God I'm still alive!" --David Bowie, Aladdin Sane "Time" (1973)

(can't alter your past) - (can't escape your destiny)



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